Monday, June 4, 2012

Limitations and Distractions

Yesterday, I swam 2.25 miles, the last 3/4 miles alone.

Compared to what some people do this is nothing.

Seriously, why is this the first place my brain always goes? Why must I point this out to myself?

Or, maybe it's what keeps me striving -- maybe it's what stops me from being afraid?

Even for me, yesterday's swim wasn't exactly a milestone. I've swum over 3 miles before, though not completely alone, and not in yesterday's conditions: full moon tide, wicked current, some fairly roiling waves.

We had a two-mile swim planned as a group, but the others decided to cut the swim short, due to the conditions,

A post by Carol Moore on the West Neck Pod facebook page
Carol is one of the strongest female swimmers in the pod...
and way faster than I am.
but I needed to push myself. To keep proving I can.

I was tired but (momentarily) satisfied when I got back.

There are days like yesterday, when I feel so strong and capable, and days (like today) where I feel my age endlessly honing in.

I try to kid myself that 48 year old me (soon, soon) is the same as 30 year old me, and the truth is, in some ways I'm stronger, but in others... shit, how the body is cruel. . .

On other fronts, I am endlessly distracted these days by the usual "shiny" things -- facebooktwitter, trying to keep up with blog posts,

the endless lure of the open water

or a lounge chair by my pool.

I keep thinking how happy I am that I wasn't computer savvy (and that some of these things didn't exist) when my boys were little. . . how I truly and happily gave them my undivided attention.

I did. I gave them my undivided attention and I'm grateful.

They truly were my only shiny things and I tried to soak in every mommy moment.

And, still,

and still,

the moments are gone,

and those undivided days have

flown by.

- gae


  1. That's what it comes down to, doesn't it? Those shiny boys - they are what matters. I am grappling with the same things sistah! xoxoxo

  2. They are, Lena. I'd kill to have more time...

  3. Nice. Mommy (or Daddy) moments really are what it comes down to. It's very hard getting used to the new status quo--but I'm happy to say both my "small people" are home for the summer, so it's back to happy chaos for me.

    <3 you, Gae!

  4. Good point about spending time with the shiny things that matter! You are so right! I feel like I need to do better now that summer is here!