Recurrrent dream

Last night, you appeared again
like you do
every so often
your eyes, always lifted slightly to mine
in that
pleading way
begging for return.

I resisted
knowing
           -- knowing --
(goddamn it, knowing)

but succumbed anyway,
fell back, back, back,
into that hopeless, desperate rhythm,
into promise,
into aching
tempestuous
fire.

Last night, you appeared again,
guilted me,
wilted me,
gutted me,
opened me up and
swallowed me whole again.

I thought i could
stay away

be better
be

done.


Last night,

our waking encounters -- so constant these days --
                           (polite enough, yes,
a familiar hug shared between old barely-friends)

took hold,
shook me like a dog with a ragged, shredded
toy.

Broke my neck,
left me limp,
spiritless,

heaving.

Loosed my desire,

like so many spilled, rolling marbles,
skittering

everywhere.