I'm growing more and more jealous of deeply religious or spiritual people (while emphatically having almost zero desire to be one), if only because they have a goal or desire or comfort that extends beyond this life, be it to Heaven or enlightenment in a new form through reincarnation.
Without that, there are endless goals ahead of me that I badly want to achieve, but they all feel marred, or at least laden, by the concrete fact that this physical body, from head to toe, is going to give out on me.
It's already begun.
Try as I might to somehow settle myself in this knowledge, and be okay with it, I can't get there; it's all too much to bear.
Which is why it fascinates me that, in the yoga room, I promise you (I kid you not), I can see my aura. A halo of light that outlines the entire edge of my body expanding and vibrating with my breath.
And, not just around me, but around all the bodies in the room.
Back when I was in my late thirties, and was practicing yoga on a regular (almost daily) basis, I remember how, right when I turned 40, I saw it then, after a uniquely spiritual period in my life. Soon after, for various reasons not important here (though one being that I don't really like doing yoga -- only like how it makes me feel after), I stopped, and began my current passion of swimming.
Now, so many years later, returning to a mild practice, I thought fondly of the aura sighting, and worried that it wouldn't be there.
But, alas, there it is.
And if I focus on it while I'm trying to hold a pose, it will often pull me through.
According to Wikipedia, "an aura is a field of subtle, luminous radiation surrounding a person or object (like the halo or aureola in religious art). The depiction of such an aura often connotes a person of particular power or holiness. Sometimes, however, it is said that all living things (including humans) and all objects manifest such an aura. Often it is held to be perceptible, whether spontaneously or with practice: such perception is at times linked with the third eye of Indian spirituality."
Well, whatever it is, I can see it. And I need it bad, so I'm clinging to it. And I'm not letting go.
I have an aura, and you have an aura, and that has to mean something good.